


Beetlejuice

by littlemissstark315



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Beetlejuiceverse, Grif and Simmons are Adam and Barbara, It’s gonna get angsty, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Wash is Lydia, but also werid and fun, it’s Beetlejuice what else did you expect, tucker is Beetlejuice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21677101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemissstark315/pseuds/littlemissstark315
Summary: Grif and Simmons find themselves dead and left with  The Handbook For The Recently Deceased and are bit lost to it all when The Washington’s move into the house they put so much work into and now that they’re ghosts they can scare them out right??Apparently not and they end up getting the aid of a rather chaotic ghost who goes by Beetlejuice which almsot makes them regret getting his help.
Relationships: Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons, Lavernius Tucker/Agent Washington
Comments: 15
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I’m hyper right now with Beetlejuice because the musical is AMAZING and had to put my boys into the Beetlejuice verse.

The house they recently moved into was bigger than they needed. Grif didn’t mind. It had more than enough space to relax, a huge yard and kitchen, living room. Although he had his suspicions about why his husband would buy such a large house for the two of them, he wasn’t gonna question it. 

He was half asleep on the couch, a reality show a white noise as a sudden this from the basement/garage, enough to wake him up. “What the fuck was that?”

His husband, Simmons huffed inside, dish rag in hand. “Sarge again. I told him to let us know when he’s using the garage.” Grif huffed. “See how well that went. I thought you were helping him.”

“I was. Until he decided I wasn’t good enough and kicked me out.” Grif almost laughed as he stood. “How’s that model you were making coming along?” He knew talking about his hobbies were something to get him out of his bad mood quickly. 

Simmons smiled but it looked tired. “It’s ok, not as great as I’d like it to be.” “Show me what you got?” Simmons gave a shrug. “Uh sure. Sure. Let’s go.”

He led the way to the attic and turned the light on. Simmons went to the large model of the house they were in, half done. Grif smiled. “Wow. Perfect for Kais Barbies.” Simmons glared at him. “No one is touching this. I’ve worked entirely too hard on this.” Grif rolled his eyes. “Then what’s the point? It’s over $500 of a smaller version of the house we live in.” Simmons was about to protest when another loud thud and small explosion was heard from the garage. Simmons groaned. “What is he doing now?!”

They both rushed down the stairs and to the basement to find Sarge trying and failing to put a fire out. Grif glared. “Sarge, what the actual fuck?! I thought you knew what you were doing?”

Sarge huffed. “Of course I do! Just a minor bug!” Simmons was about to talk when an explosion blew apart the basement and people inside it.

Grif groaned as he laid on the kitchen floor, not knowing how he got there, coughing. He looked and saw Simmons next to him unconscious. He scrambled up, shaking g him. “Simmons! Wake up!” Simmons whined, starting to sit up, both covered in ash and soot and burn marks. “Fuck.. I’m ok.”

Grif frowned. “How are we ok? Like…that was a huge ass explosion.” Simmons was starting to remember. “How did we get up here?” They both stood, looking around.

Grif got a good look at Simmons, there were deep burns on the side of his face an arms, almost black. “Dude! How are you not screaming in pain?” He pointed to the burns. Simmons frowned, feeling them, feeling nothing, looking at Grif. “Something is going on.”

Grif started to walk into the living room, seeing a book on the kitchen table, making him stop. He picked it up.

Handbook for the Recently Deceased

Simmons came over, looking at it. “What the actual fuck?” Grif shrugged. “ I..I really don’t know. But I have a few ideas.”

Simmons nearly ripped the book out of his hands, skimming a few pages, looking about to have a panic attack. “According to this we died.” “I mean. You do have like…fourth degree burns with no pain.”

Simmons started pacing. “How? I mean we’re still talking and walking and breathing so we can’t be dead, right?” Grif sighed and took the book, looking through the index on what to expect being a ghost, finding what he was looking for, pointing it out. “Here, for recently deceased you may find it hard to believe you are dead as you may still have human sensations and feelings. Those will not go away, you may still breath and feel pressure but you will not feel pain, hunger or need for a toilet.” He gave a huff. “ That explains that.”

Simmons had tears in his eyes. “So we’re really dead?” Grif frowned. “Yeah.” He came over to his husband, hugging him, seeing how hard he’s handling it.

Simmons hugged back, sniffling, finding it all weird and hard to grasp. He pulled away. “Can I see the book?” Grif handed it over, Simmons taking it, just looking at it. “I’m gonna have a read and hope it helps.” Grif gave a nod as Simmons went to sit down on the couch.

Grif had nearly fallen asleep when Simmons stood quickly. “It says here in case of emergency draw a door.” Grif gave him a look. “Draw a door?” Simmons gave a weak glare as he placed the book on the table. “Don’t ask me, that’s what the book says, I have some chalk in the attic.” Grif rolled his eyes, following. “Draw a door? That’s the amazing advice this book has?”

Simmons ignored his criticism as he got to the attic, grabbing the chalk and going to the brick wall, starting to draw a door.

He stood back, waiting for something to happen.

Grif gave him a look. “Uh you forgot the door knob.” Simmons jumped, running over and drawing a doorknob when it started to open, a green light coming from it.

Grifs eyes were wide. “Whoa. It actually worked.” Simmons was now terrified as he stood back. “What do we do now?” Grif grabbed his hand. “We go inside.” Simmons whined. Grif rolled his eyes, holding his hand and leading him as he opened the brick door and into the green light.

Simmons jumped when he saw the other people. One had a shrunken head. A women was cut in half, her legs sitting next to her torso and another looked similar to them, burned to a crisp.

Simmons nearly hid behind his husband. “What the fuck is this place?” “It’s a waiting room. For something. Let’s go see the desk.”

They walked over, Grif knocking on the window.

The little window opened to show a beautiful women with bruises around her throat. “Yes?” Grif cleated his throat. “Yes, Uhh apparently we’re dead and the book said to draw a door and and it brought us here.”

She sighed. “did you read the book?” Simmons frowned. “I went through some of it but I just really wanted to talk to someone.” She sighed. “Well did you bring your book with you?” “No.”

She sighed again, going through some papers. “Since you haven’t brought your book and came here instead you’ll need to fill out the DF32 and bring your book. It’s very important.”

Grif took the papers. “Can we fill this out in our world?” “Yes. Do not lose them.” Grif gave a nod and sighed as he turned to Simmons. “Even in death you can’t get away from bureaucracy. Let’s go.” 

A half hour later they were sitting on the floor of the attic, Grif whining. “What is with these questions. What was the nature of your death?” Simmons shrugged. “I mean that part is kinda important.”

“Just fucking look at us! We look like the fries that were left in the frier too long.” “Stop whining and fill it out.” Simmons said grumbling.

Grif huffed. “And this one. How did you die? Please answer honestly as this affects where you will be placed, we know when you’re lying so don’t try. Jesus Christ, if I knew death was this much a pain in the ass, I’d work harder on staying alive.”

Grif went down the list of possible deaths, telling them to Simmons. “Dude here’s the list. Illness, mental illness induced suicide, suicide, murdered,murder-suicide, accidental death, allergies, animal mauling, this list goes one. There’s even an other option.” Simmons sighed. “They just want to be throughou.”

Grif rolled his eyes, checking off accidental death. This was the longest day of his afterlife. And probably the most paper work he’s ever had to do next to co-signing for the house.


	2. Chapter 2

They finally returned the papers and was forced to wait, Grif angrily grabbing the number paper and taking a seat next to crispy, Simmons following.

Grif huffed. “This is just great. Spent two hours filling out paper work, for being dead, just to wait in deaths waiting room. Fucking bullshit.” Simmons sighed. “What else are we supposed to do?” “I don’t know, it’s not like I’m dead very often.” Simmons rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. We’re dead, ghosts, whatever, we have literally all the time in the world to wait so what the fuck does it matter?”

Grif glared at him. “Excuse you, I might be dead but I’m still an inpatient asshole. And we are..” he looked at the number, glaring. “6,85780,00.” Simmons gave a weak smile. “That’s not that long?” “Shut up.”

Simmons didn’t know how long time went by, wasn’t like he needed time anymore but felt Grifs he’d fall on his shoulder, asleep.

Simmons nearly laughed, shaking his head fondly. Even in the afterlife and all the time in the world and Grif still will nap.

Eventually Simmons was asleep too, only being woken by the startlingly beautiful women from the little window with bruises on her neck. “Sir, we’re closed.” Simmons sputtered, even in death he still couldn’t talk to women. “Oh..uhhh uh o-ok.” Grif woke you and looked between them. “Did you have a stroke babe?”

The women smiled. “I was just informing you two that were closed. We’ve reached full capacity at the moment and are currently backed up.”

Grif glared. “Closed? We’re fucking dead! What else do you possibly have to do?! We’ve been waiting for-“ Simmons chimed in, looking at the calendar on the wall, seeing it’s been a full six months since they came here. “Six months.”

Grif repeated him like a parrot. “Six months.” Before his eyes got big. “Six months?! How were we waiting six months?!” The beautiful women frowned. “Well this is the afterlife, time runs differently here. In your world you may have only been gone a few weeks. But still, we are at full capacity at the moment and cannot take you right now.” Grif nearly screamed. “But we’re dead! And this is the afterlife! How can the afterlife be at full capacity?!”

She women smiled. “There have been a few mass murders and a cult that took a few thousand people in a day. That’s quite a lot at one time for us. I really apologize for this inconvenience.” She handed them a card. “I’m really not supposed to do this, it’s not the best but he may be able to help you in the time being.” She gave a wave and left.

Simmons looked at the card. “Weird, there’s no number or way to contact him.” Grif frowned, trying to pronounce the weird word. “Beetle..geise..” the card said Betlegeuise but he had no idea how it pronounce it.

Simmons gave a weak glare. “It looks French, didn’t you take a year in France?” “Doesn’t mean I know their weird words. What does it say smart ass?” “It looks weird but it’s probably pronounced Beetlejui-“ the women shushed him from the window. “Do not say that name here, go back to your home.”

Simmons gave a wave and he and Grif left. Once inside their attic they heard voices from downstairs. Grif frowned. “What the hell was that?” Simmons rushed out the door and down the stair to see two people fighting, a father and son he assumes.

“It’s been two months David! She’s gone!” Simmons and Grif watched from the stairs, the son, David was completely goth. Hair was back, clothing black, even a few questionable piercings on his face. David yelled back, sounding emotional, unpacked boxes around; they must have just moved in. “Only two months to you because you didn’t care about her. I did! I’m still mourning!” “Is this what you call mourning? Dressing like a freak?” “You wouldn’t understand. All I feel is hurt and darkness inside me and I’m doing what I can to express it.” “Excuses, you’re just a fucking freak. Goes well since you like taking it up the ass.” David felt as if he’d been slapped. “Fuck you.” He spat out, turning and running out the front door.

Grif frowned. “I wonder what the hell that was about. Think he’s ok?” Simmons shrugged. “What does it matter? Where ghosts, they can’t see us.” “We should follow him, make sure he’s ok.” Grif said as he walked down the stairs and went outside only to find he couldn’t go off the porch. There was an invisible force keeping him there. “Uhh I guess we can’t.”

Simmons frowned. “Maybe there’s something in the book about this. Let’s go back inside, I’m sure he’ll be fine.” They walked back inside and back up to the attic where Simmons started reading the book.

Grif sighed as he just looked out the window, completely bored. “Anything good in there?” Simmons shook his head as he looked over the book. “Not really, it reads like a stereo manual. It just says we can’t leave because our sprits stay where we died, no way of being able to break past it.” “Anything about hauntings?”

Simmons gave him a look. “Why?” Grif stared blankly at him. “We’re ghosts, we can at least act like it and maybe get back at the asshole of a father down there.”

Simmons frowned, Grif and he didn’t have good childhoods and seeing the kid downstairs get treated the same brought back memories. “I can see but what the hell would we do? They can’t see us.” “Then we make them see us. And if that doesn’t work call that Beetlejuice guy.”

Simmons looked nervous. “I don’t know, we didn’t even know him or know what he would do. I don’t want to kill anyone.” Grif sighed. “Fine but if that book fails and we can’t scare the shit out of that dad then I’m calling Beetlejuice.” Suddenly the air got a colder, even for a ghost, both noticed, there was an electricity in the air. Simmons looked scared. “How about we stop saying his name and just focus.”


	3. Chapter 3

Grif fell asleep, again while Simmons tried to make sense of the book when suddenly the front door slammed open and shut, enough to wake Grif up.

Simmons frowned. “Guess that kid is home.” Grif got up, going out of the attic, although he didn’t show it, his need to help and protect this kid was strong, reminding him of how he took care of Kai when they were younger. 

He saw the kid jog up to his room and close the door, Grif followed inside, Simmons close behind him.

Simmons frowned. “Wasn’t expecting his room to be this.”

The room was very plain, with boxes scattered around, a few athletic trophies on a desk and stacks of books as well.

David was on his cell, talking to his friend on the other line, wiping his eyes. “God I hate this.” Grif watched and listened. “I just wish we never moved. I wish mom didn’t die, god, so many things I wish didn’t happen. Wish dad didn’t become an asshole.”

He stopped, listening to his friend on the other side. “I know, I know this is hard on him too but he’s becoming abusive. He never was. He hasn’t hit me yet but he doesn’t have too, his words have done enough. Mom dying changed him. Changed me too, but at least I’m not becoming a toxic asshole.” 

Grif frowned, sitting on the bed, David reacting to it, seeing the indent next to him. David stared at it. “Uh I’ll call you back.” He hung up, feeling the spot and feeling nothing but cold air. He took his hand away and looked scared, knowing it was sure sign of a ghost.

Grif spoke, hoping maybe he’ll see them. “You know it gets better kid. It doesn’t always suck.” David jumped away. “What the hell?” He looked around, he could have sworn he heard something, someone talking but he couldn’t make it out. He stood up. “Fuck, now the house is fucking haunted. Perfect.” He walked out of the room, leaving Grif on the bed, feeling depressed it didn’t work the way he wanted it too.

He looked at Simmons. “Is there anything in that book about making them see us?” Simmons shrugged. “Not much unless you want to scare the shit out of him.”

Grif huffed, standing. “That book is completely useless, I’m calling that Beetle guy.” He said as he walked out.

Simmons rushed behind him. “Grif! This is probably too small a job for him! He’s probably for an actual problem, not just not being seen.”

Grif slammed the door open to the attic, turning to his husband. “Well that kid needs our help and nothing in that book is going to help us.” “We don’t even know what he does. What if he scares them to death or destroys the house?” 

“Now you’re just overreacting. Give me the damn card.” Simmons handed it over. Grif took it and sighed. “How the fuck do I pronounce this?” “Im not telling you, we don’t need him.” 

Grif nearly growled. “Simmons I swear to god-“ Simmons just crossed his arms. He wasn’t backing down and managed to take the card back. “You know what, we don’t need him, at all.” He said as he ripped up the card. Grif gasped. “Oh my god! What if we need that?!” Simmons glared at him. “We’re dead! What are they gonna do, repo our car? Take our house? We’re dead! Nothing can help us!”

Grif just turned and walked out of the room and slammed the door.

He suddenly heard the kids voice from downstairs. “Dad, see? Did you hear that?” “Shut up David, I’m on the phone!”

Grif walked down the stairs and followed the sound of David, who he finally learned the name of. David huffed and started to walk back upstairs, nearly passing through Grif before stopping, as if he could see him.

But David couldn’t see anything, not quite but he felt something. The air on the stairs was freezing while the rest was normal. Grif swallowed of his reflex of his nerves, speaking. “Hey kid.” David looked scared and ran up the stairs.

Grif decided then to take a nap. Even dead he didn’t feel like doing anything. He thought being dead was supposed to be peaceful and happy, it’s just more of the same bullshit.

He was woken by Simmons who looked scared. “Hey, something is happening downstairs, there’s a lot of yelling.” Grif frowned, hearing glass break and David’s father screaming.

He got up quickly and rush out the attic and down the stairs and into the kitchen entry way, David was on the ground, holding a bloody nose and looking terrified.

Grif knew what his father was; drunk. Completely wasted, probably won’t even remember this. He slurred his words and screamed in David’s face. “I wish you’d never been born! You’ve been nothing but a disappointment, I wish you were dead!” David stood shakily, screaming back. “I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t want to be this!”

His father went to shove him when Grif quickly got in front of David, hoping he can push the father away. He hasn’t felt this protective in a long time. “Get away from him!” He cried out.

He was surprised when the father actually fell and passed out by the time he hit the ground. David sucked in a breath, an anxiety attack taking place as he stood and breathed heavily, shakily and sobbing.

Grif frowned, turning and trying to embrace David but he only went through him as David ran up the stairs and to his fathers room.

Simmons had been overhearing from the stairs before getting startled by David running. Grif followed. Simmons spoke up as he followed. “What’s going on?” “I don’t know! Nothing good if he’s going to his dads room.”

He got there and was right. He saw a gun in David’s shaking hand. Grif ran over, trying desperately to take the gun away. “No, no! Put the thing away!” But he just went right through. He turned to Simmons, tears in his own eyes. “Call that beetle guy, please. We need him.”

Simmons sighed, closing his eyes and hoping he doesn’t regret it.

“Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.”


	4. Chapter 4

Grif wasn’t sure what to expect when they called his name three times but it wasn’t a body suddenly showing up in front of them.

Simmons was startled to the point he screamed, Grif jumped a few feet before the Beetlejuice guy spoke. “Ghost with the most, how can I help you today?” Simmons pointed behind him, looking terrified. “Help him! We can’t get the gun from him! We think he’s gonna kill himself!” 

Beetlejuice, who was not what they were expecting. Dark skin, corse, curly hair in a messy, natural Afro with tints of aqua going through it. Beetlejuice turned, seeing the kid with the gun nearly to his head. “Oh damn.” He snapped his fingers, freezing time.

Grif stared at it. “What the hell did you do? Why isn’t he moving?” Beetlejuice grinned. “Froze time. It’s a handy little trick, especially to impress the ladies.” Simmons was in a panic. “That’s great and all but can you please take the gun away from him?!” Beetlejuice rolled his eyes. “Geeze, touchy. Fine.” He turned, looking at the kid. “Oh he’s kinda cute. Little angsty but that’s kinda obvious. And is that blonde roots?” “Will you just take the gun away?!” Simmons nearly screamed.

Beetlejuice rolled his eyes. “Sheesh, fine.” He walked closer and took the gun out and threw it out the window, breaking the glass. Grif just watched. “What the fuck was that? Now there’s a gun outside!”

Beetlejuice just gave a grin and snapped his fingers, returning reality to where it was.

David was still nearly sobbing, but stopped, staring at his hands. “What? What the hell?” Beetlejuice then made himself known, getting within an inch of David’s face. “Boo.”

David screamed, falling back against the bed, panting. “What the fuck?!” Grif spoke first. “Uh can he see us too?” Beetlejuice shrugged. “Nah. Just me.” “Can you make him see us?”

He rolled his eyes. “So needy, fine.” He snapped his fingers and David nearly screamed again, seeing two others show up. “Oh my god! What the fuck?!”

Simmons reacted first, going to the kid. “It’s alright! We just want to help!” David was panting, still terrified seeing three new people in his house and the gun he had no idea where to be found.

That thought made panic go through him. “The gun! Where is it?” Grif huffed. “Not here, what the hell were you trying to do?” 

David sprang up, ready to run out the room. “That’s my fathers! Fuck! He’ll kill me if it’s missing!” Beetlejuice gave a chuckle. “Bold words for someone ready to kill themselves.” Simmons hissed at him. “Shut up!”

David turned around. “That’s different. He would have still had his gun and wouldn’t have me, win-win. But if I somehow lost it…no, I have to go looking.”

Grif went to him, holding the kids arm. “Whoa! Wait, hold it. You think he would be happy if you died?” David swallowed the lump in his throat. “I mean, yeah.”

Beetlejuice took interest in this, coming closer, leaning against the kids shoulder. “So..Uhh tell me about your dad.” David moved away. “No! I don’t even know you. I don’t know any of you or even why you’re here.”

Beetlejuice was in front of him in a puff of teal with his hand out. “Beetlejuice, ghost with the most and bioexorcist.” Grif was next with a wave. “I’m Grif and this is my husband, Simmons.” Simmons gave wave as David looked at them. He looked away. “My name is David but my friends Called me Wash, I like that better.”

Grif gave a small smile, walking closer. “We can do that.” Wash turned from them when Simmons stopped him. “Whoa, you’re not going anywhere. We need a serious talk.” Wash shook his head. “I need to get his gun.”

Grif smiled. “Beetlejuice can get, right B?” Beetlejuice looked over at him. “I can?” Grif gave him a look, ready to say his name three times and send in back. “I mean, I can. Back in a flash.” And he disappeared.

Simmons brought Wash to the bed, sitting with him. “So what is going on?” Wash gave him a look. “Me? You’re the ones living in my house, I should be asking that.”

Grif gave Simmons a look. “He’s got a point.” Suddenly a gun came flying though and landing on the floor, scaring Grif. “Holy fuck!” Beetlejuice appeared next to him laughing.

Simmons sighed heavily. “Great. We have it back. Can you leave now?” Beetlejuice rolled his eyes. “Fine, I see how it is. Call me for a quickie and leave me hanging.” And then he was gone.

Wash shook his head. “This is insane.” Grif day next to him. “Doesn’t mean we can’t help. What’s going on?”

Wash frowned. “My mother died a few weeks ago. We had already bought this house while she was alive but she died before we could move in. My dad…” his eyes watered. “He’s changed. He was never this abusive fucking asshole. But when she died, she took him with her. I just feel…invisible and alone.” Simmons frowned, putting his arm around him. “Well you’re not alone. We’re here for you. Grifs been trying to help you but ended up scaring you instead.”

Wash looked at Grif. “So that was you sitting on my bed? And the cold spots?” “Yep.” Wash gave a nod. “That actually helps. You guys might be dead but you went out of your way to help me. Think you could help my dad?”

Grif glared. “After what he’s been doing to you?” Wash frowned. “I know but he’s a good guy, he wasn’t always like this. He changed when mom died and…I want my dad back.” He wiped his tears away.

Simmons looked at Grif. “Think we can help?” Grif sighed, crossing his arms. “Fine. First we need all the information we can get.”


End file.
